Levelling the Playing Field

It is with a sense of glee and mischief that I return to my blog. I interviewed an interesting man with a slew of stories that would rival that of the cult movie - He Died with a Falafel in his Hands. The movie draws together colourful anecdotes about living in share houses. Now this man, let’s call him Bloke, has street smarts that indeed rivals my own book smarts. And he has used these street smarts against operators of rather dubious boarding houses.

 

Bloke has lived in various share houses and boarding houses in Melbourne, including Glen Waverly, East Doncaster, Box Hill, and Malvern East. It was in Glen Waverly that he won his first battle. He wanted to move out of a place he was sharing with friends. He called up about a room in a share house and was advised it was safe and reputable. Drug taking was not permitted. This was a ‘strict’ rule. On that basis, he decided to move in. When he got there, he discovered it wasn’t actually a share house, it was a boarding house (being illegally run).

 And much to his surprise, the other boarders were ‘junkies’ and ‘prostitutes’ (his words, not my words). Name a drug, and they were on it – ice, speed, heroin, etc. The landlord, a Vietnamese lady, would ‘hang out’ at the house on occasion. She was a gambler. She had gambled away houses belonging to her husband who was working overseas. At times, she would even hit on Bloke and make unwanted advances. But Bloke stayed anyway, the location was convenient and he spent most of his time at his friend’s places.

It came time for him to move on. This slumlord demanded an extra month’s rent. In no uncertain terms, Bloke said he was not giving her money to which she was not entitled. She made a few threats but gave up when Bloke said he would take photos of the slum house and pass out photocopies at her place of work (along with her mobile number). Bloke 1 – Bad Landlord - 0.

Later on, Bloke moved into a boarding house in Malvern East. It was mostly Asian students that lived there. But he convinced the landlord to let him move in. So after he moved in, he discovered that his room had a gas leak. This is serious. Natural gas is highly combustible and can kill at sufficient levels.[1] Bloke was a bit worried, so he moved to another room. When he moved in there were 2-3 residents. Not long after, there were 11-12 residents. All these people had to share one kitchen and one bathroom. The whole house lost power a few times. Groceries were lost in the black outs, and of course, no one was reimbursed.

The landlord would also conduct impromptu inspections without notice. One time, there was a knock at the door. It was the landlord. But Bloke had a lady friend over. He yelled out, ‘Come back later’. But the landlord kept knocking. So Bloke answered the door and vigorously shook his hand (without any pants on).

A normal Aussie male, Bloke was very ‘active’ in the bedroom. Over time, the other residents became perturbed by the noise and made complaints. And Bloke realised he was at risk of being evicted because of his extracurricular activities. So he strategized. He crunched numbers. And he thought to himself, this landlord must be raking in about $80,000 a year. There was no contract and payments were made in cash. So Bloke worked out the landlord was doing the dodge making all this money tax-free. He didn’t confront the landlord directly but started asking questions. And he was left alone until he decided to move on. Bloke 2 – Bad Landlord – 0.

I contacted the Australian Taxation Office who advised, ‘If someone is earning income from renting out their property, it must be reported on their income tax return’. Property Advisor has identified common reporting problems, including not declaring all rental income. I have not studied taxation law, I would rather have my fingernails pulled out one by one. In any event, the Australian Taxation Office accepts confidential tip-offs about suspected tax evasion. They can be contacted on 1800 060 062 during normal business hours.

I had a bit of a giggle at this story, but it raises an important issue. People’s sensibilities might differ, but sex is a normal part of life. No one can deny that. I don’t think anyone should be forced out of their home because they do what they do. To deny this important human activity, would be an affront to human dignity.

I have learned many things in my life. One of the important persons in my life was involved in stand-offs with corrupt police in Tasmania years ago when the dinosaurs roamed the earth. The most valuable thing he taught me was, ‘Don’t take s**t from anyone’. And that is the message I will leave you with.